實驗前言：生食和冷凍乾燥食品如雨後春筍般出現。
根據市調公司GfK表示：”冷凍乾燥食品在2012年第一季出現74%的大幅度成長（增加幅度選超過了無穀飼料，無穀飼料在這段期間僅成長了64%。），冷凍寵物食品的銷售也在近幾年中從2011年的3400萬元，成長到2013年的9200萬元。”
所以～我，目前正處於失業狀態，現在正嘗試在寵物飼料加工產業找到一份工作。於是，我想我應該來做個實驗，給生食業重重一擊，讓他們看一下飼料有多麼超級無敵棒！（對的～這裡絕對可以用” 超級無敵棒”來形容飼料！）
實驗目的：瞭解飼料或是新鮮食物，哪一個可以抵擋時間的摧殘。
實驗材料與方法：
我拿了三個廣口玻璃罐，其中兩個分別放進不同的新鮮食物。一個放一塊人道飼養的草飼生肉（80%肌肉、10%骨頭以及10%內臟）、另一個則放一小珠有機綠花椰菜。每個瓶子都故意將瓶口稍稍打開。第三個罐子則放入我在古早的2008年時我所買的飼料（這包飼料一直放在我的車庫，這也是我所為我們家狗狗所買的最後一包飼料。），將這三個罐子放在層架上，放到它們腐壞。
實驗結果：即使飼料已經出廠2417天了，它依然繼續堅持，可是其他兩個新鮮食物到第三天就輕易放棄，爛了一大半了！所以我想繼續放，再放個144天，看看這兩種新鮮食物到時候會變得多麼不像樣！
實驗討論：是的，新鮮食物或許是比較健康，而且具有動物所需的營養素，但是，它們絕對無法像飼料能有如此強大的力量對抗時間摧殘！！所以你看看，這些放了2561天（甚至更久）未冷凍的加工食品，多吸引人啊！有誰會不想去吃呢！超好吃的，對吧！？
實驗結論：飼料真是他媽的（請自行消音）比眾神之王宙斯還要強大。等我葛屁後，我決定下半輩子要當一顆宇宙無敵的強者飼料。
實驗致謝：……我幹麻要致謝，這實驗全都是我自己做的！
更多資訊：各位飼料業界的老板們，如果誰有意願想要雇用我，我會再做下一個實驗：那就是＂比較飼料和地球，看誰活得久！？＂
（以上當然純屬一個反諷性實驗！而實驗的重點告訴我們：我們當然應該要選擇新鮮、未經加工的食物，盡量避免食用過度加工的食品。你必須去質疑那些永遠不會腐敗的食物，特別是放了7年還不會壞的東西……超強飼料！）
KIBBLE IS BETTER THAN FRESH FOOD!
~ THE EXPERIMENT ~
INTRODUCTION:
Today, raw and freeze-dried foods are booming in the pet food world.
According to research company GfK: “freeze-dried products are on a significant upswing, seeing 74% growth since the first quarter of 2012. (This increase beats out grain-free, which has grown 64% in the same timeframe.) Refrigerated pet food has also grown over the past few years. Sales in 2011 were $34 million, jumping to $92 million in 2013.”
So in an attempt to get a job within the kibble manufacturing industry, as I am currently unemployed, I thought I would conduct an experiment to knock fresh foods down a peg and show why processed kibble is way awesomer! (Yes, awesomer can be a word in this write-up.)
PURPOSE:
To see which “food”, processed kibble or fresh food, can better withstand the test of time.
MATERIALS & METHODS:
I took 3 mason jars and placed two fresh food items, separately, in each mason jar: a piece of ethically raised, grass-fed raw meat (80% muscle meat, 10% bone & 10% organ) in one and a piece of organic broccoli in the other.
In the third jar, I placed a piece of kibble that was dated back from 2008 (it was in my garage and it was the last bag of kibble I ever purchased for my dog).
The jars were placed on a well-painted ledge and left there to age.
RESULTS:
Even with the piece of processed kibble having a head start of 2,417 days, at just 3 days in, the fresh food gave up so easily and withered away! So, I thought I would push the experiment 144 days longer to show how terrible fresh food can be at not aging!
DISCUSSION:
Yes, of course fresh food might be healthier, and packed with bio-available nutrients, BUT it cannot last as long as the mighty kibble!!
So you see, who wouldn’t want to eat “processed food” that can last for 2,561 days (and longer) unrefrigerated! Delicious, right?
CONCLUSION:
Stronger and more eternal (if possible?) than the king of the gods, Zeus himself. When I die, I want to come back as the immortal piece of kibble!
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
No one to thank, as I did this all by myself!
EXTRA INFORMATION:
If anyone in the kibble industry is interested in hiring me, I will be conducting my next experiment: “Kibble versus Earth, who will last longer?”
(Of course this is a satire! Moral of the story: We should all be consuming fresh, whole foods and avoiding as much processed foods as possible. Food items that never really rot should always be questioned, especially ones that can look exactly the same after 7 years!)
翻譯自巴夫國際有限公司
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